I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
