im drinking this country out of the recession.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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