Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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