WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
