btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
