I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
4 words: hood of his car
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
