is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
