they need to just BURY HIM!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
