youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
