The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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