Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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