please come you make the beer taste better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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