People with herpes should wear stickers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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