i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
