I wish I could teleport
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
