I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
