mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
