seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN