come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...