So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.