I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.