he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk is not a location!