I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
