i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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