I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
