this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
