Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pappa wants mamma naked
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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