Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
