No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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