I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We named our party play list daddy issues
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize