I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
