I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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