there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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