Can i not drive my cunt home
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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