just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
