Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
