There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
