she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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