So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
