We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
