Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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