my vag is so smooth its legendary
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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