Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
