If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
