If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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