is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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