Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
