....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
