called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
