She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
