She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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