i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
