I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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