dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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