just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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