matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
