Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
pop tarts are not kleenex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
