there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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