I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
