CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
