based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
