btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
