No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A+ Viking dick
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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