She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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