I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
